|
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blond woman arrives and bets twenty thousand
dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and
yelled, "Come on baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed..."YES! YES!
I WON, I WON!!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of
them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know, I thought you were watching."
MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men...
There were three guys working on the 50th floor of a
building. One was Mexican, one was Irish,
and the other was a
blonde. Well one day they were sitting eating lunch, dangling
their feet doing nothing much.
The Mexican guy opens up his lunchbox and he takes out a
taco. He exclaims "My wife
always packs me tacos for lunch!
taco's Taco's TACO'S!!! I am sick of tacos!!! Can't she pack me
something different?!?!
If she gives me a taco one more time I
am going to jump off this building!!!"
The Irishman
looks at him strangely, but doesn't say
anything. Expecting something yummy for lunch, there in his
lunch box
is Creamed Corn and Hash. Overpowered by the
Mexican's words, he says "Every single day for the past 10 years
my
wife has given me this every single day for lunch! I hate
Creamed Corn and Hash!!! I'm with you, Mexican, if I get
one
more lunch of Creamed Corn and Hash, I will jump off this
building right with you!"
All the while the blonde is just sitting there eating his
sandwhich. Feeling left out, he says "I get a sandwhich
every
single day too! I hate it too!! I am with you both! Tomorrow if
we all get the same lunch, we are jumping off
this building!!"
The next day, they are all working patiently, just waiting
to see what
they got for lunch. The day seemed to go on
forever, but finally lunch came. The Mexican guy opens up his
lunch.
He finds a taco!! He gives a sigh and jumps off the
building.
The Irishman is very scared.
He does not want to jump off,
but he has to. So he cautiosly opens up his lunch. And what do
you know? He
has creamed corn and hash! He says good-bye to the
blonde man and jumps off screaming.
The blonde, being lonely, opens up his lunch and he finds a
sandwhich. He just shakes his head and jumps.
At the funeral, the wives of all three men are standing
around mourning together. The Mexican's wife says "If only
I
didn't give him taco's everyday, he may have still been alive
today"
The Irishman's wife
shakes her head in agreement, saying
"I take full responsibility in my husbands death"
They both look over at the blonde man's wife who is not
crying and ask her why she is not mourning. She replies "Don't
blame
me, he made his own lunch!"
A man died and went to The Judgement. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before
you meet with God, I thought I should tell you -- we've looked at your life, and you really didn't do anything particularly
good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?"
The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, "Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being
harassed by a group of bikers. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the bikers. He was a big,
muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of
his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!" "I'm impressed,"
St. Peter responded, "When did this happen?"...
"About two minutes ago."
|
 |
|
|
|
|
If you would like to send a joke to us that we could add
on send it to redneck658@hotmail.com and title it redneck joke. Solute!
Three
dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. After he determines the cause of death, the
coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body was that of a Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while
making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," the Coroner says.
"Second body was a Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery,
spent it all on scotch whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"What of the third body?" asked the Inspector. "Ah," says the
Coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Andy the redneck from Nebraska, 17, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling
then?" inquires the Inspector. "Thought he was having his picture taken," the coroner replied.
There's
a fellow who is an avid golfer. Actually he's a golf fanatic. Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time. He gets up
very early and golf's all day long. Well, this one Saturday morning, he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out
of the closet, and goes out to his car to drive to the course. It is raining a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed with
the rain and the wind is blowing 50 mph. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. From there
he finds that it's supposed to be bad weather all day long. So he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses and
slips back into bed where he cuddles up to his wife's back and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible."
She
replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing?"
A
young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts whenever she touches it. "Impossible," says the
doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes
her ankle an screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?" She
says "No, I'm really a blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
